


Die for You

by just_peachy



Series: Love Drought [2]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: And Good Sex, And I will warn accordingly, Angst, Bad Sex, Body Dysphoria, Canon Divergence, Depression, Eating Disorders, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Miscommunication, POV Alternating, References to Depression, Self-Hatred, Sequel, So just be ready for that, Sorry this is gonna get dark, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, breakups and makeups, sick parent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2018-11-03 21:28:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10975671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_peachy/pseuds/just_peachy
Summary: Starting in their high school days, Noctis and Prompto start through relationship through pretending but it soon becomes a legitimate one. The two face setbacks in the form of mental health issues and societal expectations but their love for one another keeps them together. But even that love may not be enough...If you want, you can catch up and read "All Night," you can to get the backstory to their relationship. However, it is not necessary. I wanted to fix some of the narrative issues with FFXV in regards to Noctis accepting his death then 3 minutes later it is the end. So this is a canon divergence that addresses that.I will warn accordingly for the very complicated and messy stuff. The Angst is heavy my friends.





	1. Be With You

**Author's Note:**

> "My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude."
> 
> -Warsan shire

Noctis could not remember when the aches got worse. There is no way to pinpoint when that happened. Each time he walked or got out of bed, he hated the pain. Now that it was the winter, Noctis was almost used to the dull ache. Gladio told him that he probably needed to stretch better post-workouts. That didn’t seem to be the solution either. Noctis did try that when nothing else worked. He tried going to a physical therapist when the pain did not get better (Ignis’ idea of course). That didn’t work.

So instead of trying to come up with something that would help his back, Noctis decided to sleep it off instead. That was not the wisest idea at the time because there were things like fundraisers and community service hours to do. Noctis found himself dozing off even at the animal shelter. That was his favorite place to volunteer. He couldn't remember the last time he went there. 

At least the animals did not tell him that he looked tired. He had no reason to be tired, that’s what Gladio had told him. He fixated on that comment and the mantras all over the palace walls. Noctis had no reason to be tired huh?

Was that supposed to be funny? A joke that everyone else understood except for him? 

Maybe that’s what it was. He was missing something that everyone else understood. 

The only thing that he could focus on that brought him any kind of joy these days was Prompto. At least with Prompto, he knew that Prompto sometimes didn’t “get” the jokes either. They told their own and had secrets between themselves. They spoke a different language than anyone else around them. It was that comforting presence that was the thing that made him smile before he went to sleep. It was the first thing he wanted to see when he got up. That small cell phone notification. That “good morning” text was small but it made Noctis believe that it would be good. If he went out into the world and tried to smile, maybe the rest of his body would follow suit. 

When did smiling become so hard to do? Those muscles on his face tried to do it but it felt fake. 

Tonight Prompto couldn’t stay over. He had a job to photograph a wedding and Noctis frowned but let him go. Noctis wanted to tell Prompto to stay with him but that was selfish. It was childish. He threw a tantrum in his apartment by waiting and waiting for a text that Prompto was coming back that night. But Prompto said he couldn’t come back that night. His new apartment was closer and Noctis was half tempted to call Ignis so that he could get dropped off. 

He didn’t do that. Noctis just stayed in bed and added the pizza box to the castle of pizza boxes he had made in the corner. It joined the plastic bins that came from his favorite Thai restaurant. On the other side, there were plastic forks and knives that were stuffed in a plastic bag. When Noctis would pass by, he’d swat the gnat that would fly near his face. If Noctis took the initiative, he could just toss it but he preferred to sleep it off.

At least sleep offered him some kind of solace from whatever he was feeling. That pang of jealousy that Prompto was watching some couple get married and was doing something that he enjoyed was such a stupid thing to think about. He fixated on it and tried to bury those thoughts with something else.

On the nightstand, with it’s bunched up napkins and ripped up ketchup packets, was his handheld. The TV in the living room was too far. So Noctis picked an easy game. Something that he could dick around with for that hour before he wanted to sleep. The light was still shining outside but the curtains to his room were still blocking out the majority of sun. There was a pang of guilt because Noctis _just_ took a nap but his back is still hurting. He just wants to wake up and see the texts from Prompto telling him that he loved him. Noctis couldn’t believe it most of the time. How could someone as sweet and as wonderful as his boyfriend love him? 

Noctis was a mess.

His apartment was a mess and Prompto usually said nothing about it. Noctis wondered if Prompto would call Ignis and tell him that the apartment was messy again. Maybe Prompto kept an internal count toward how many pizza boxes meant that it was bad again. Ignis would wrinkle his nose at Noctis and he did feel bad. Noctis even helped when Ignis cleaned and tuned out the fussy attitude of his childhood friend.

How did Ignis put up with this crap either? It would not take much for Ignis to just yell at him and tell him that he was a mess but his childhood friend was too nice. Ignis just complained in that same tone of voice when he cooked something he loved. Noctis waited each time to see if Ignis would just snap and tell him to get his fucking act together. No nineteen year old should live like this, Ignis should say. No king should live like this, Ignis should yell and scream at him. 

Maybe Noctis was getting ahead of himself. It wasn’t that bad was it? Prompto was here two days before and said nothing…

It was in that moment, between turning on his handheld game system and thinking of how bad his room smelled that Noctis heard the door open. Speaking of his childhood friend…

“Highness?” Ignis half-shouted into the apartment. Noctis did not say anything and just waited to hear the footsteps become louder. The scowl that met his face was expected. Noctis continued to stare at Ignis from his bed, like it was a dare. He wanted Ignis to yell at him but Ignis just stood there. 

“Is this how you spend your Saturday night?” Ignis asked cooly. He continued to survey the room. Noctis swallowed and wondered whether or not there was an opening to see the wood flooring. He did have to step over a lot of bags to get back into bed.

“Well,” Noctis coughed. “You are here... what does that say about you?”

Ignis chuckled a bit but continued to look around. “I brought some trash bags. I’ll make a deal with you.”

Noctis frowned but did want to hear what that would entail. ‘Why? What is it?”

“I’ll clean up the bedroom,” Ignis began. “And you can clean the living room.”

“I don’t know about that,” Noctis muttered. “I actually have a date with this bed. And my video game.”

“So you aren’t hungry,” Ignis asked. He began to make his way to be closer to the bed but mimicked Noctis’ actions from earlier. Ignis almost stepped over a pile of cardboard boxes. Noctis laughed a bit when Ignis would step over the bags or trash and boxes that littered the room. “I’ll make you something afterwards.”

“Food bribes don't work anymore,” Noctis sighed. “My back hurts…”

“Still?” Ignis sat down at the corner of the bed and eyed Noctis but his face changed a bit. Instead of the annoyance that was present at the start. There was something else. Maybe it was guilt or pity but Noctis didn’t like it. He remembered that look from when he came back from Tenebrae. Noctis wanted to smack that look off of his friend’s face.

“Yeah,” Noctis did manage to sit up and looked at Ignis. “I’ll help though. I might tap out early.”

“Prompto’s not with you tonight?” Ignis asked.

“No,” Noctis tried to stretch a bit. When he blinked a bit. Noctis finally noticed how awful his room looked. “Prompto’s photographing a wedding.”

“How nice,” Ignis stated plainly. “I was actually going to ask you about that…”

Noctis blinked. “About…?”

Ignis cleared his throat and looked at Noctis. “I was in a council session today and his name came up.”

Noctis rolled his eyes but sighed regardless. “And…?”

“They wanted to know how serious your relationship with Prompto is.”

Noctis felt himself becoming angry and tried not to take that out on Ignis. He was doing his job, but he was sick of everyone talking about his relationship with Prompto. Ever since they began dating in high school, they were followed and stalked everywhere they went. The rules for not stalking public figures that are minors was gone as soon as Noctis turned 18. Prompto was followed home everyday. They had to take different cars and usually stayed in to do anything together. Noctis did not understand what was so intriguing about it. The tabloids said that every week he was breaking up with Prompto, then getting back together with Prompto when that didn’t happen. His old classmates were quoted in the paper. They had no issue taking some money to tell the world how in love or how much Noctis hated Prompto. It depended on the season, Noctis started to notice. During Valentine’s Day and the winter months, they were in love. During the summer months, they were broken up and hated one another. 

Prompto had to delete all of his social media presence and Noctis did the same thing (not that he had a presence to begin with). Instead, Prompto became more acquainted with the Citadel. Gladio and Prompto became fast friends, bonding over working out. It was so weird when the four of them trained together. Gladio and Prompto would be working on weights before Noctis showed up. Ignis thought that it was good for Prompto. That memory of their high school days was something that worried Noctis. He worried that one day, his boyfriend was going to look like how he did at seventeen: frail and thin. 

Maybe it was the fact that Noctis did not have any other friends that he had met at school, but Noctis chose not to say anything then. He wondered why it was so weird that Prompto’s ribs stuck out the way they did. Prompto ate that “rabbit” food that Noctis made fun of constantly. Noctis watched him, even after they graduated high school. When they’d eat a meal together. Prompto would eye Noctis and eat that extra slice if it was still there. Prompto would take extra bites and made it a point to say how good the food was. Noctis half-wondered if it was genuine. It couldn't be an act right? The other half of Noctis loved it when Prompto held him in those arms that had filled out quite nicely. 

“My relationship is good,” Noctis said truthfully. There was no other way to say it. He was fine, and they were _good_. 

They’d go to the movies and eat tubs of popcorn. Prompto and Noctis would go to the outskirts of Lucis and run around without a care. When no one watched them or judged them and in those moments, they were better than fine actually. Noctis thought this was especially true when they were naked and sweating all over each other in bed together. It was easy and Noctis loved those moments of them being absolutely alone together. Maybe it was their loneliness that made them good for each other. Noctis never knew but things were less lonely with Prompto around. Prompto's smile made everything easier to bear.

“Well then,” Ignis began. “They were wondering how to approach future plans with you and Prompto.”

“Look,” Noctis began. He already knew where this was going. “I am not ready for… yeah I’m not ready to think about _that_.”

“You should start thinking about it,” Ignis countered. “It is not only your future and the future of this country but Prompto’s as well. I know that the media attention is difficult. But I believe we have to start seriously thinking about what the future looks like.”

“I’m not ready for that,” Noctis said truthfully. “I can’t even keep this damn room clean…”

At that, Ignis did not say anything else. He merely looked around the room and sighed. Ignis stood up from the bed and handed Noctis a garbage bag. 

“Well you have to get ready for that sooner or later,” Ignis stated plainly. Noctis wanted to argue back but he knew better. The last time he saw his father, Noctis knew he had to get ready. Ignis was right. But Noctis' back was still killing him but he grabbed that garbage bag. Slowly, Noctis snaked his way off the bed and stood up. Maybe if he cleaned up this mess, he _could_ start thinking about it.

***

“Honey I’m home!”

Noctis was still in bed and heard the door to the apartment close. The apartment was clean and it smelled nice. The sheets were changed and new air fresheners were put in. Ignis even took some of his clothes to get dry cleaned. There was some fundraiser in a few weeks to build some low-income housing. Noctis was fine with getting some of his suits pressed for that. At the moment, he heard a quick jog and heard some sighs coming from outside his bed. 

“Jeez,” Prompto sighed. “Still in bed?”

Noctis didn’t answer at first but turned over and saw Prompto hovering over him. He was wearing a baggier sweater than usual but it _was_ cold outside.

“Yup,” Noctis smiled. He didn’t stop either when Prompto gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. 

“Well,” Prompto began. Noctis noticed the dark bags under his boyfriend’s eyes. Maybe that wedding took longer than usual. “I already started editing those pictures for the wedding and I went running.”

“Seriously?” Noctis asked. “What time is it?”

“It’s 12:30,” Prompto said simply. “What time did you go to bed?”

“Hmm,” Noctis frowned. He started to get up slowly off of the bed. “I don’t remember.”

“Well,” Prompto sat on the bed and eyed him again. “At least it’s clean in here.”

“Yeah,” Noctis scratched the back of his head. “How was the wedding?”

Prompto laughed but tilted his head towards Noctis. “It was… you know it was nice. A bit tacky though.”

“Why’s that?” Noctis asked. “Were they weird?”

“I don’t think they knew who I was,” Prompto yawned. “But they said they wanted it to look like royal wedding. And…” Prompto giggled, “I was thinking: Well… I have seen royal and I don’t know if three wedding dress changes is exactly that.”

Noctis laughed. “I mean I can’t even change once a day.”

“Dude,” Prompto grinned. “I was thinking just that. Plus the wedding dress would _have_ to be black.”

“That would have been perfect,” Noctis said sarcastically. He even raised his eyebrows at Prompto who grinned even wider. “Hey…”

“What?” Prompto stopped smiling but he still did a small one that started at the corner of his mouth. “Sorry about last night. I wanted to come over, but I was pretty tired.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Noctis half-lied. He hated that he couldn’t tell Prompto anything else but that. “But I was wondering…”

“Yeah?” Prompto tilted his head. Noctis eyed his boyfriend and was wondering if he imagined that Prompto’s chin looked more pointed than usual.

“You started running again?” Noctis asked. Without missing a beat, Prompto grinned and turned away bashfully. 

“I found this route in the morning,” Prompto began wistfully. “I was talking to my therapist in the group. I said I missed running, but the tabloids are a pain. So she told me to find a route to go run again. And I found this really nice one by the wall. No one really goes there. So I drove out there this morning and it was nice.”

Noctis listened intently and wanted to say something about running. Maybe he was being ridiculous but he thought it was weird. Prompto already worked out plenty, at least that is what Noctis thought. If Prompto wanted to run, he’d do it. That would never change but he already did that with Ignis and Gladio...

“Are you okay?” Prompto asked suddenly. “I know things have been kinda hectic the past few weeks. But I don’t have anything this next week. Just working at that crummy office place.”

Noctis smiled at the fact that Prompto was a glorified secretary at some office downtown. Prompto hated it because he typed all day and couldn’t take pictures. However, that job paid for his rent and as much as Noctis pushed the idea of them living together, Prompto said no. “I want to try and do this on my own,” Prompto had said. Noctis dropped the idea and didn’t want to push him away.

“Hey,” Prompto grabbed Noctis’ hands again. Very slowly, Prompto swept away Noctis’ hair and kissed him on the forehead. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Noctis lied. He was not ready to tell Prompto how he really felt. Maybe it was Prompto’s hands that grabbed onto his own. Maybe it was Ignis’ words the night before. They all seemed to ask if he was truly okay. Prompto began to lace their fingers together, just like Noctis always liked it, one by one. Maybe that’s how Prompto would get the answer out of him. 

Slowly, Noctis looked at Prompto and wanted to say all the things he felt. He truly felt abysmal. He had no right to feel the way he did. He had no right to leave his apartment in the sorry state it was in. Maybe it was the way that Prompto looked at him, with those kind eyes that still looked too tired. Noctis was not ready to tell him a word. 

Noctis had another horrible thought as Prompto stared at him: Maybe Prompto would leave him if he told the truth. They’d go back to being like they were beforehand. Before they had truly met. Prompto would be that citizen that would pass by him and be too scared to speak to him. That felt like the place where they were now. Maybe Prompto was too scared to talk to him. So Prompto just kissed him instead. It was a chaste kiss but Prompto pulled back with that face that wanted to really know more.

Instead of Noctis telling him anything, Prompto stifled a laugh. “Dude… your morning breath though.” Noctis frowned and Prompto laughed even louder.

“Okay okay!” Noctis said in an exasperated tone. “I’ll get up.”

Prompto very quickly got off of the bed and without letting go of Noctis, they both got up. Noctis still felt like his back was hurting him. His joints felt like they weren’t awake yet. It felt like a dream that Prompto would be here to guide him back to normalcy. He’d brush his teeth and kiss Prompto like he was supposed to. They would stumble around and try and find something to eat and maybe give up and call Ignis for suggestions. Or they could call Gladio because maybe today would be his “cheat day.” Noctis could use today to fill their world with other people because he was not ready to tell Prompto anything.

“Do you think we are okay?” Noctis asked suddenly. 

Prompto squeezed Noctis’ hands even tighter. He was walking backwards towards the bathroom but Prompto did not hesitate one bit. 

“We’re better than okay,” Prompto grinned. 

Maybe it was the sun rays hitting Prompto’s face just right because they got rid of his baggy eyes that Noctis chose to believe him. 

They were okay.


	2. I Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Two people who were once very close can without blame or grand betrayal become strangers. Perhaps this is the saddest thing in the world."
> 
> -Warsan Shire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise things will get better in later chapters. It is bleak now, but it will get better!!!
> 
> [Warning: Suicidal Ideation/Attempt]

Gods... he had missed running. It wasn’t as easy these days, but thankfully it was almost winter. Prompto knew that it would be easier to cover up for early morning jogs. He’d look just like anyone else and that was the best part. During the summer, he’d try his best to hide but then on the newsstands he’d see glimpses of himself. That was the worst because he thought he looked awful.

Prompto reluctantly took an office job that he originally did not want. It was boring and being a waiter after high school was much more fun. That was until people started to come in and ask him specific questions about Noctis. He had to play along and smile because the customer is always right. _Right?_ Well, that got old quickly.

The office job was relatively hassle free. He just had to type all day which was a pain on his hands. But otherwise, he felt good to not have to deal with too many people. He just had to type and answer calls. His co-workers were nice enough and so far, none of them had leaked anything weird about him. That slight fear made him uneasy as far as who to trust and who he could open up to.

This made the workouts he had with Gladio much easier. They’d go out and lift some weights and if Prompto were lucky, Cor would join them. He was still not very good at all. However, watching Cor and Gladio spar was amazing and he felt lucky to be in their presence. It was just… _cool_. He was surrounded by cool people when he would come to the Citadel.

Prompto, despite all of those good things, he still felt like something was amiss. That something started rearing its ugly head again each time he looked at Noctis. He couldn’t exactly pinpoint when it was, but he had noticed that Noctis seemed to slip away a bit. Little by little his boyfriend would stare off in the distance. That wasn’t necessarily odd, but it wasn’t like the old version of themselves. When Ignis and Gladio would speak to his boyfriend, Prompto would watch Noctis’ eyes would glaze over in a weird way. Even when Prompto would play video games with him, Noctis did slightly worse than usual. It was little things like that.

In the last month though, things seemed to get worse. Last week, Prompto had stayed over and they finally had free time. There was nothing that was going to interfere with them. No jobs and no commitments were there on a Saturday night when they were meeting with one another. Noctis would usually give Prompto a look somewhere in between dinner time and ten o’clock and Prompto knew the cue. He’d put his camera down or the controller down and they’d start their “great explorations” of one another. At least that’s what Prompto lovingly called it while Noctis rolled his eyes. It was during this time, that they were open and loving towards one another. They’d kiss each other deeply and hold each other tight. If there were clothes involved they were soon on the floor and they’d just say each other’s names in the other person’s ear until the night was over. That was the easiest part of being together. Prompto needed the reminder that this was who loved him the most and he figured Noctis needed the same thing.

Except, this past week… it wasn’t good. Noctis was underneath him and Prompto was having his way with him. Eventually though, in between cradling his boyfriend, stroking his thighs and kissing his lips… Noctis fell asleep? Prompto didn’t notice it at first and then when he did… Boy that was _bad_.

The worst part of it was that they talked around it afterwards. Noctis apologized in the morning but Prompto did not want to talk about it. They just napped and played video games the next day. It was that sense of normalcy that made the bad things more bearable. But even the next day, Ignis and Gladio seemed to notice the shift between them. When Noctis was called in for a brief meeting with some council members, Gladio asked if Prompto was okay and he answered a little too quickly that he was fine. Ignis probably knew what was going on. That dude knew everything.

Before Noctis came back, Prompto asked Ignis if something happened to Noct. Maybe the King was sick again. But Ignis had said no, nothing like that. Ignis had asked if everything was okay, but Prompto did not have the heart to tell him no. Things were definitely different.

The one constant was running. He’d given it up for about a year off and on. Then Prompto tried to do it again. The old trainers he’d stashed away were slightly dusty. But the grooves felt comfortable against his heels. Noctis got him these running sweats that were used for lounging but Prompto thought, what the hell, might as well test them out. He didn’t want to push himself. His mile was about 6 and a half minutes with no hills. Today, his mile was about 7 minutes even. Not bad for not running consistently for a year. So Prompto made an effort to try and run at least five miles today. The cold fog of the city took him in. It welcomed him back and he felt good.

***

Prompto struggled to get Noctis out of bed. It was a typical Saturday but each day since Prompto started to notice his boyfriend’s change started to blend. This time it was late and the sun had already set. Prompto was waiting for Noctis to come out of the restaurant. They managed to get some ramen and Prompto insisted that it was a hole in the wall. And it was, but that was code for “no tabloids around.”

Noctis had stayed in the restaurant to use the restroom. Prompto was waiting for him outside. It was a beautiful night and there was no one bothering him at the moment. He was bundled up in a beanie and hugged his coat a bit tighter. The night was cooler than usual. The wall was glistening above the skyline and Prompto wanted to take a picture from this point of view. Looking up there was nothing but skyscrapers and that glow of the night sky.

“So…” Noctis was out and he was yawning already. Prompto was going to suggest a movie at the theater but maybe they should just call it a night?

“So…” Prompto smiled. “Should we go back?”

They always went back to Noctis’ apartment. Noctis nodded and off they went. Prompto was not sure whether or not to hold his boyfriend’s hand but thought against it. It wasn’t as though they didn’t hold hands. There were plenty of tabloid pictures of those, but at the moment, Prompto just bumped Noctis’ shoulders while they enjoyed the streets of Insomnia.

Prompto stopped at a crosswalk and looked at Noctis but squinted against the neon lights of the street. The red hand not to cross was still there. Prompto was waiting.

But Noctis was not.

It happened so suddenly that Prompto had no time to react. Noctis took a step to cross the street. There were cars still speeding along. Prompto tried in vain to grab Noctis’ shoulders and pull him back towards the sidewalk. He heard two sets of car horns go off but Noctis seemed too far away.

“NOCT!”

It was then that Noctis realized what he had done and looked back at Prompto. It only lasted a second. It wasn’t even a second. But that half second showed Prompto everything he knew was wrong.

Noctis hesitated. He didn’t warp out and he didn’t step back. He stayed on the spot and looked directly at the car on the road.

 _What the fuck_?

Prompto finally lept off the sidewalk and in a swift movement, grabbed Noctis by the shoulders. Prompto yanked his boyfriend as fast as he could away from the road. When Prompto managed to get Noctis to face him, his boyfriend was wide eyed and he looked dazed. Noctis looked at Prompto with a look of disbelief. Prompto probably matched that look because he had never seen this before.

“Are you okay?” Prompto said hoarsely. Almost on instinct, he looked around and tried to see if anyone was watching them and thankfully no one was. One car honked loudly and maybe he said “Watch where you are going!” but he could have also told Noctis to go fuck himself. It was too fast. Prompto finally shook Noctis’ shoulders and Noctis said nothing. He looked so different to Prompto.

They needed to get out of here. Prompto still couldn’t believe what he just witnessed and yelling at Noctis on the street wasn’t something that needed to be done now.

***

They walked back to the apartment in relative silence. Prompto held Noctis’ hand the whole time walking back. Both of their hands were shaking but Noctis kept apologizing. His different versions of “sorry” were being drowned out by Prompto trying to figure out what just happened. Once they finally entered the apartment. Noctis had his hands in his hair and looked like he had been caught in the act.

“Are you okay?” Prompto asked quietly. Noctis continued to look at Prompto in total disbelief.

“I-I,” Noctis sputtered. “I d-don't know what happened…”

Prompto cautiously took a step forward. “Noct…”

“I’m sorry…”

“Should I call Ignis?” Prompto asked. Noctis looked up and continued to wring his hands as though they were wet.

“No,” Noctis muttered. He shook his head for equal measure. “No…”

“You scared the shit out of me dude,” Prompto breathed out and tried to steady himself.

“Look,” Noctis began. “I'm sorry. But it was just a mistake… yeah?”

“But…” Prompto stopped talking suddenly. Talking around the problem wasn't working. Avoiding it wasn't working either. They had to fix this.

“What?”

Prompto took a deep breath. “I keep asking you what's wrong and you won't tell me. What happened _really_?”

Noctis blinked back at Prompto. “Oh…”

“Tell me Noct…”

“I can't…”

“You... did that on purpose right?” Prompto hesitated. He took a step forward but Noctis took one back. “You could have just warped out but you didn't…”

“I c-can’t tell you…”

“Why not?”

“It's too much,” Noctis bit his lip and closed his eyes. “And I don't want you to help me fix this. I need to fix this on my own…”

Something in Prompto snapped. Maybe it was because he was so angry that Noctis would do this to himself and to the kingdom. Prompto was already not sure how to deal with the fact that his boyfriend was a prince. Now this? What was the point? He already worried so much about whether or not he was even good enough for Noctis, but _this_? The worst part of it though… was that Noctis did not ask him for help.

“What about you?” Noctis began. “You didn't even touch your food…”

Prompto stared at Noctis in disbelief. Of course he _ate_. He _ate_ enough. And right now, Prompto had had enough.

“You already know what the problem is Noct!” Prompto spat out. He felt like his face was becoming redder by the second. In the two years that they were together, Prompto never felt this angry with Noctis. It was infuriating and he hated feeling this way. He did not want Noctis to see him like this. Prompto decided to turn his back to him instead. But once Prompto did this, he eyed the door down the hallway towards that bedroom that was more comfortable than the bed he had at home. There was another option if he looked towards the other side. He felt like running out the door and down the elevator and sprinting away.

“I’m sorry,” Noctis said quietly. Both of them said anything for a while. After a while, Prompto wondered when his hands balled up into fists.

“What were you thinking?” Prompto asked harshly. “You are so… careless…”

“I haven’t been feeling like myself recently,” Noctis said hoarsely.

That was a lie.

“What do you mean recently?” Prompto felt like he was going to laugh but he couldn’t get it out. He was mocking Noctis with a disbelieving smile. “I keep asking you what’s wrong and you won’t tell me.” There was another pause. “I can’t keep worrying about you…”

It was then, that Prompto began to cry. He couldn’t do look at Noctis but the truth was killing him. Whatever Noctis was dealing with looked like it was breaking him too. The urge to run was replaced each second by the urge to stay and fight and shoot and kick out whatever the hell was wrong with Noctis. But Prompto couldn’t shake off what Noctis had said earlier to him.

“D-don’t throw whatever you are d-dealing with b-back at me,” Prompto sputtered out. “I h-have my own BS to deal with--”

“BUT YOU AREN’T EATING ANYMORE!” Noctis yelled. Prompto could have sworn that his eyes had changed.

So maybe this was it? Prompto looked on at Noctis and it felt fitting. This was how they were going to end. It was because of him? Maybe. That wasn’t the full picture, though. If what they were was going to end tonight, Prompto had to take that one step forward. He may have been afraid of Noctis in middle school and in high school. But right now Prompto was not afraid.

“I CAN’T EAT BECAUSE I AM WORRIED ABOUT YOU!” Prompto yelled back.

Once Prompto realized what he had said, he immediately quieted down. It was eerily quiet. At dinner Prompto stared at Noctis and he didn't like what he saw. They both probably looked tired and strange. Nothing like the past version of themselves. Was this what love did to people?

The “thump” that Prompto heard on the ground was his own knees hitting the hardwood floor. His hands were covering his own face. He said too much. Prompto wanted to say more. He wanted to ask how dare Noctis even think about stepping in front of a moving car and not care. Noctis _knew_ how to warp out of it. He just stood there and looked. Noctis did nothing.

It was then that Prompto remembered earlier last year. It was after his birthday. They had trained together and Noctis trained after visiting his Dad. Gladio did nothing out of the ordinary. A typical day, by all accounts. But Noctis kept looking around and missing easy targets. Ignis had to keep reminding him to stay focused. They had to end early when one of Gladio’s swords almost slit Noctis’ neck. Ignis had the presence of mind to pull back on the collar of the shirt in the nick of time. Prompto watched in embarrassment and horror. Ignis had to talk with Noctis afterwards and Gladio just looked relieved that he could go home. Prompto should have seen this coming sooner maybe? Maybe he was just a terrible boyfriend.

“So…” Noctis said finally.

Prompto did not answer back.

“It’s my fault you got bad again huh?” Noctis asked in a hollow tone.

Prompto wiped his tears on the back of his sleeves and looked up at Noctis. There was also the door in the background that seemed to tell him that there was an escape to this.

“No,” Prompto answered truthfully. “Please… just tell me what’s wrong?”

“It’s too much,” Noctis said slowly. “Ignis asked me about us…”

“And?”

Noctis pursed his lips and looked like he was trying so hard to phrase his words correctly. Prompto just watched him and thought about how much he wanted to leave. No answer was going to be enough.

“Ignis asked…” Noctis said again. “And I just thought… I don’t want to do this.” Noctis began to tear up as well but his were silent and he continued to stare at Prompto. “I don’t want to live... knowing that I am dying like my Dad is…”

Prompto blinked. So that was it…

“But,” Prompto began. “You aren’t your Dad though… things can change…?”

“No Prompto,” Noctis said and he choked back a sob. “No... it won’t change…I have to protect everyone like he does…”

“But we can figure something out,” Prompto began thoughtfully. Noctis seemed to cringe at the idea, his mind looked decided already. Prompto on the other hand was hearing none of it. “We can figure out a game plan. Just because it’s looking bad doesn’t mean that it’ll be bad.”

“You don’t get it Prompto.”

“I’m trying to get it,” Prompto snapped. “Do you want to die? Everyone is gonna die eventually…”

Noctis said nothing.

“Noct… if that’s the case then there are people that can help you…”

That was the wrong thing to say because Noctis looked enraged again. So Prompto prepared himself for that wave of anger.

“ _Right_ ,” Noctis spat out. “Because those people that helped you did _such_ a good job. What a _fucking_ joke.”

Prompto began to cry again and realized he was still on the floor looking up at Noctis. He just got up slowly and stared back. He wiped his already wet sleeves and steadied his nerve.

“Just…” Prompto couldn’t believe this. But he had to say it. “If you are going to give up then I won’t stop you. But... I’m not going to stay around and watch you do it.”

Noctis didn’t say anything and he didn’t have to. Prompto was used to that feeling of not having someone fight for him. His parents never called him and when they did it was to ask about his finances. Prompto suspected that Ignis and Gladio would stay Noctis’ friends and Prompto would have to make new ones. He could reinvent himself. He’d done it before, so he could do it again.

He didn’t want the Noctis of this moment around him. It would be better to just walk away now. It was hurting Prompto in a way he could not comprehend. The Noctis of right now was a stranger. Prompto fell in love with the one that he remembered in high school. Maybe that was just a memory and he’d have to stash away. Prompto could cherish that Noctis after it stopped hurting less.

The one of the present, was looking at him strangely. Prompto got his keys out and began to take the one for the apartment off of the chain. Once that was done, he put it carefully on the kitchen counter. He wanted Noctis to tell him to stop and Prompto would have. He was still in love with him. That was the sad and twisted part of it

But Noctis did not stop him. Prompto did hear him cry though once he finally stepped out of through the hallway and shut the door. Prompto heard Noctis yell out his name, but Prompto didn't want to go back. They just needed space. Maybe it would be better in the morning. Prompto’s mind was racing and feeling every emotion at once. But all he knew was that he couldn’t be there. He’d call Ignis and tell him to stay with Noctis. It was not going to be him tonight. The final click of the door closing sealed Prompto away from that stranger that was saying his name.

He walked slowly and wrote a text to Ignis.

> Please go help Noctis. He’s in his apartment and he is not doing well. I can’t be around him now.

It was at that moment, that Prompto realized he could run. This was his moment to do it. So with tears streaming down his face his chose not the elevator, but the staircase for his escape. He ran and stepped with a fury down and down. Prompto could hear his sobs as though they were coming from somewhere else. He was shedding away the person that loved Noctis. That person was still hanging on though because when Prompto stopped at certain levels, he looked back up and wanted to run back up.

He didn’t. He kept running down and down.

Prompto Argentum was free.


	3. I Miss You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "His eyes were the same color as the sea in a postcard someone sends you when they love you, but not enough to stay."
> 
> -Warsan Shire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Warning for Suicidal Ideation/Unsanitary Habits]
> 
> It is going to get better from here folks! Thank you for bearing with this Angst Parade .___.

It was easier to sleep than think about what would happen if Noctis woke up. 

There was no comparison for him to make to a previous time of his life. He just felt numb and empty. He was also upset with himself for making this happen. He kept pushing and pushing Prompto away and now he was gone. Noctis was sick of himself too so he understood completely. This was his mistake. 

It was easier to sleep on it than to try and rectify it. Somewhere between crying and being practically forced to eat by Ignis, the week just blurred. Noctis refused to check his phone but he did answer one call from Gladio. Once he said the words aloud, he had managed not to cry about it for at least a few hours. But he refused to say that it was over. Gladio said he’d try and come over after some training with the Marshall was done. Maybe if Noctis held the words at the back of his throat, it would be better in some way.

All of his thoughts and actions at the moment were consumed with how Prompto was doing. Did he have to take time off of work? Was he hurting as much as Noctis was? How was he doing? Before they decided to date one another, they were still friends and Noctis tried to imagine that conversation with his best friend. 

“He said all these horrible things to me Noct.”

“It’s a good thing you left then Prompto.”

That’s what Noctis would have told Prompto. Noctis was an asshole and there was no way to explain it in another way.

But that didn’t mean Noctis didn’t want to apologize and tell Prompto that he loved him. That they could make this work. Noctis could get out of bed and do that but fear and self-loathing stopped him. He would have to wait and the last thing he wanted to do was check his phone. If he knew there were no texts from Prompto, it would have hurt him more. He briefly mentioned what happened to his Dad who was sympathetic but didn’t understand. His Dad just thought they had a fight and it’ll be “fine” later. Noctis agreed with that. Saying that Prompto left him aloud… no he couldn’t say that.

Not yet anyways.

***

“Highness? A word?”

Ignis had a hand on his shoulder and Noctis was reluctantly on the couch. He was eating some cereal at 3 in the afternoon but this was his first meal of the day. It had been 10 days.

“Sure…”

Noctis kept his body small and tried to keep still. Make no mistake, after this was over, he was heading straight back to bed. With every ounce of energy that Noctis had, he looked at Ignis and wanted to see what his friend had to say.

“When was the last time you showered?” Ignis asked. His nose was crinkled slightly at Noctis.

“Don’t remember…”

Noctis continued to eat and the cereal tasted like nothing. But he knew that he should eat something.

“You should shower,” Ignis suggested. “I think trying to do some daily tasks would help you feel better.”

“Sure…” Noctis mumbled. He had no desire to get up and no desire to want to get better. 

“Noct,” Ignis took off his glasses and wiped them. “I can’t say that I know of some way to help you feel better. But I believe you should consider moving back to the palace. At least for the time being.”

Noctis was not expecting that and stopped eating his cereal. It was a something to think about. Maybe living at home for a bit would take his mind off of Prompto? This apartment already had too many memories of his best friend. Prompto practically lived here and maybe that would hold Noctis back? Another part of Noctis did not want to leave. He wanted to stay here and remember how Prompto would move around the apartment. Even now, Noctis sat on “his side” of the couch. Prompto’s absence was everywhere. 

“I’ll think about it,” Noctis said quietly. He bit his lip and hesitated on what to say next. 

“I have never really pried into your relationship,” Ignis coughed and he looked uncomfortable but pressed on. “But I think you should try and make yourself better. If you focus on that, perhaps you can give it another go with Prompto.”

Noctis coughed and felt his eyes start to prickle at his name. He really did miss his best friend.

“I don’t think so,” Noctis muttered. “I said… some _horrible_ things to him. He probably hates me.”

“I believe that he doesn’t,” Ignis said. “That night he messaged me and told me to look after you.”

At this new piece of information, Noctis felt some silent tears brush down on his cheeks. That night was terrible. He could not deny it. He really did step in front of that car. 

“I did something stupid that night,” Noctis wiped his face with the back of his hands. “I… well…”

Noctis hadn’t discussed what happened at all. The only thing he told Ignis when he arrived 10 minutes after Prompto had left was, “He left me.” Ignis didn’t ask for any other details and Noctis was grateful for that. Now, Noctis steadied his breaths and Ignis watched him with kind eyes.

“I stepped in front of this car,” Noctis said breathlessly. “That night when… yeah… and I know it was stupid. But I did it. I didn’t want to warp out of it.”

“Noct…” Ignis’ tone was one of surprise and there was a hint of anger in it as well.

“I don’t know why I did it,” Noctis said honestly. “But Prompto got me out of the way. I’m glad he did that for me…”

None of them said anything for a while. The cereal pieces were getting soggy in Noctis’ bowl but he had his fill of it. Half of him expected for Ignis to yell at him but he deserved that. Prompto was right to yell at him that night.

“You have been acting strangely for a while Noct,” Ignis began carefully. “We all noticed it. Did something... happen?”

Noctis was quiet but he didn’t think it would be good to lie about this anymore. Not telling Prompto everything might have cost him the person he had loved the most. Trying to hide anything from Ignis would have not been good either. 

“Last year,” Noctis began. “I was looking some things up. In the Cosmonogy book. But I wanted to ask my Dad about it…”

“Alright,” Ignis seemed confused but continued to listen.

“I was confused about the true king. I hadn’t thought about it before that much. I remember Luna mentioned it a long time ago… so I asked my Dad about it… he didn’t seem very happy…”

Ignis stared at him. Noctis was sick to his stomach even more. What if Ignis _knew_ as well.

“I wanted to ask more questions…” Noctis began wearily. “So I asked my Dad… he explained it to me and I can put two and two together.” He gulped. “It chose me… that stupid… good for nothing _crystal_...” Noctis gritted his teeth. It was only after a while that he heard the bowl fall to the floor. It was upsetting to think about it. That crystal was killing his Dad and it was going to kill him too.

“Noct…”

“It’s me,” Noctis smiled sadly. “At least I got that much… and I know I don’t have a lot of time…”

“ _Noct_...”

Noctis was going to finish talking about this, even if it hurt too much to say. “And when I was walking with Prompto, I forgot about it all. All the good things I have. And then for a second… I just thought… _what’s the point?_.”

Ignis had no reply but Noctis couldn’t seen how his friend was reacting through his own tears.

“I don’t know if I can do what that prophecy says. I don’t know how I can do all of that. But… I just thought that if I had an out… it would be _my_ choice.” Noctis paused and saw Ignis was crying as well. Noctis nodded and looked out the window. The sun was starting to set. “That’s fucked up isn’t it?”

Ignis, always the one with an answer said nothing. Noctis heard his cell phone ring and finally decided to look at it. There was nothing from Prompto. But it was ringing because Gladio was presumably outside the door. Noctis just bared his soul out to Ignis and had no intention of doing it again. So he handed the phone to Ignis and got up, gingerly, from the couch. Ignis didn’t stop him either as he proceeded to walk toward the bedroom. 

He didn’t have a lot of time. But if he was going to use it to sleep away his destiny, then that was okay.

***

Noctis knew he was dreaming because Carbuncle was there. Noctis had his phone as the Astral was communicating with him again. They were in a lush forest and Noctis felt as though he knew where this was. He’d been here before. It was so green and it was beautiful. The forest seemed to stretch on for miles and miles. 

Carbuncle spoke to him through the phone. It was weird but at least Noctis knew what the Astral wanted.

Carbuncle sent him a single emoji: (╯︵╰,)

Noctis tried to think of good reply but had nothing. Carbuncle did text him right away though.

_I think you should move back to the palace! Your friend is right._

Noctis read the message and tried to respond quickly. _I don’t know_ , Noctis answered back. _I want Prompto back._

Carbuncle sent another emoji for him: (っ´ω`)ﾉ(╥ω╥)

Noctis wrote back while walking through the forest. _He probably hates me. I hate me too, but he should hate me._

Carbuncle sent a quick response while they both walked through the forest. _Now that you know what Providence entails, you should use the time that you have now with those you love..._

Noctis stopped walking and looked at Carbuncle who wrote more. _No one else but you is fit to be the King of Light. The King of Kings. However, you are like any human that walks the planet. You should be allowed sadness, anger, joy and happiness. I hope you have the latter two before you must deal with the first ones…_

Noctis texted back, _but I already feel those first two…_

Carbuncle tilted his head up at Noctis and texted back, _What makes you happy then?_

Noctis looked up at the sky. It was beautiful and without the barrier. There was nothing up there but stars and the moonlight. 

_I want him back…_

Carbuncle squeaked then sent an emoji: ♡＼(￣▽￣)／♡

Noctis nodded at Carbuncle’s insight. It was easy enough to say here. It would be even tougher if Noctis finally did wake up.

_I wish you well..._

Noctis replied with a simple _Thank you_. The world around him started to change. It began to rain heavily. The forest did not look as green as it did. Noctis had to remember Carbuncle’s encouragement when he woke up.

***

“Rise are shine princess…”

Of course Gladio would wake him up.

“I know you are up. You might have tricked Iggy, but not me.”

Suddenly Noctis was freezing. His blanket was gone with a sound of a “woosh” and there was Gladio at the foot of his bed, grinning.

“Seriously?” Noctis asked, he was still not 100% awake yet.

“You got dumped huh?” Gladio sat down beside Noctis and he took the time to flip towards the other side. If Gladio was going to treat this like a joke then…

“I’m sorry,” Gladio said solemnly. “I knew you really liked the kid.”

“If I may,” Ignis was leaning against the door. He had an apron on and was cooking. “I cooked some of your favorites Noct.”

Noctis couldn’t help but be a little bit happy about it. They were both trying, which was good wasn’t it? 

“Thank you,” Noctis croaked out. Ignis nodded in acknowledgement and went back to the kitchen. Gladio continued to look at Noctis sadly and with pity.

“Ignis told me what you told him earlier,” Gladio said solemnly. “Not that it means much, but I’ll help you in whatever way I can.”

Noctis smiled a bit, “You better.”

“Right right,” Gladio nodded. “I am the King’s shield and all.”

It felt weird to smile. Noctis hadn’t done that in a so long and it felt weird.

“I don’t know,” Noctis bowed his head shamefully. “Ignis told me to move back to the castle. And I think I should. Just so I’m not here by myself.”

“We can help you start packing tomorrow,” Gladio offered. “Also, I have been dumped before. It’s not fun.”

Noctis was stunned to hear. “ _You?_ ”

“Yup.”

“Wow.”

Gladio sighed. “I only dated her for 8 months and I thought I was in _love_.” Gladio chuckled. “Turns out, not really. But I don’t think my thing and your thing are the same.”

Noctis sighed. He wished that he could forget but even at this moment, he wanted Prompto to call him and come to the door and into his arms. That fantasy was not going to happen. Not at least until he explained himself and apologized.

“I’m in love with him Gladio,” Noctis said honestly. “I know it’s not what a future King is supposed to do…”

“Listen,” Gladio raised his hand so Noctis would stop talking. “Believe it or not, me and Specs were doing our own research too. We wanted to see what precedent there is for two kings. There have been Queens of Lucis. Ignis even found very in between the line vague descriptions of Gay kings. So… it’s no big deal.”

“Right,” Noctis smiled again. He had _good_ friends. “I just don’t know how to fix this.”

“The kid,” Gladio began then stopped. “Prompto I mean. Look, he’s been a nervous wreck since I first met him. It’s a lot for someone not used to all of this. _But_ , he’s come to every training. He gets better every time and unless something bad happens, he’s going to be in the Crownsguard. That’s saying a lot. He probably needs some time. Then maybe after you feel a bit better, call him and see if he’ll talk to you.”

“Right,” Noctis nodded. Ignis managed to come into the room with three plates in hand. After handing one to Gladio and Noctis, he sat in the bed as well.

“Even though this is certainly undignified,” Ignis began with a droll. “I think it would be better to have dinner in bed.”

“Thank you,” Noctis said quietly. It was a Schnitzel Sandwich and it smelled and looked delicious. They all ate in relative silence. Occasionally, Gladio would mention what was going on in the castle and Ignis would mention some interesting tidbits from the council meetings. Noctis didn’t care what was said but he worried about how he could get back on his feet. 

“My apologies Noct,” Ignis began suddenly. Noctis, wide-eyed, looked at Ignis curiously. “I told Gladio about what happened. I supposed you did not want to divulge the details again.”

“No need to apologize for that,” Noctis waved his hand dismissively. 

“That’s not all,” Ignis said cautiously. He put his sandwich down and looked at Noctis. “While you fell asleep, I attempted to call Prompto.”

Noctis who was mid bite, coughed on his sandwich. Gladio immediately patted Noctis hard on the back. Ignis winced but got Noctis some water from the kitchen quickly. Once Ignis handed a bottle of water for Noctis, he repeated that phrase again. _Of course_ Ignis called Prompto. 

“I wanted to see if he was alright,” Ignis said in a sad tone. “I left a voicemail but he sent me a message that said he was fine.”

Noctis felt the familiar prickle behind his eyes reemerge. But he tried in vain to blink back the tears he felt coming again.

“Alright,” Noctis mumbled. ‘Fine’ was so vague that Noctis didn’t know and didn’t want to know what else it could mean. He wanted to know if fine meant that Prompto was celebrating being away from him. Noctis wanted to know if fine meant that Prompto was like him, miserable and crying at the mention of his best friend’s name. 

“Iggy,” Gladio began tentatively. “I think the kid just needs a few days off. Then Noctis can call him.”

“I agree,” Ignis frowned. “But Prompto lives on his own…”

“Hmm,” Gladio cocked an eye at Ignis. It was annoying because Noctis wanted to know what silent conversation they were having amongst themselves. “Well Noct…”

“What?” Noctis asked hopefully.

“How about I go see him,” Gladio began. “But…”

Noctis frowned. Ignis also looked at Gladio with trepidation.

“If this happens again in the future,” Gladio had a sneaky grin on his face. “I’m not going to play telephone for that person either.”

Noctis couldn’t help but roll his eyes. Even Ignis coughed and Noctis could have sworn he saw a rare smile from Ignis. 

“And say he comes around tonight,” Gladio frowned even more. “At least take a shower…”

“I agree with that,” Ignis eyed Noctis with hint of glee.

“Okay okay,” Noctis waved his hands and put his plate down. This was the hard part. Part of him did not want to peel his clothes off and shower. The sleeves had been held by Prompto’s hands when they walked home together that last time. But this had to be his moment to change. His friends were there and encouraging him. That was the first step, perhaps. He’d figure out a gameplan and try and get Prompto to talk to him. He needed to explain it all. He was tired but he found it in himself to walk to the bathroom after thanking Ignis for the food. Noctis stepped into the bathroom and took off his clothes and he got a whiff of himself. 

He did stink.

There was one part of him was worried when he crawled into the shower. When Noctis turned the knobs and felt the warm water beat down over his body. Prompto didn’t have his parents to turn to with this. He had no one there to confide in. Noctis hoped that he was okay and that Prompto would let him explain everything.

Noctis missed him so much.


	4. Why Don't You Love Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Loving you was like going to war; I never came back the same."
> 
> -Warsan Shire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Warnings for Body Dysphoria/Eating Disorder in the form of under-eating, weigh-ins and skipping meals.]
> 
> Hello friends, I promise it does get better. Next chapter... maybe! .___.

It was still a new routine that Prompto was not used to yet. Instead of there being a few text messages from Noctis, the only thing that woke him up in the morning was an alarm. Noctis would usually text him right when he was about to sleep and Prompto would text Noctis first thing in the morning. At the moment, there was only the glare of the time. It was 5:00 am. Prompto was still not used to it. He also knew that staying in bed was not an option. Instead, Prompto bought some new running shoes on the third day since he left. If he had to change, he figured that this was the best way to do it. There had to be a point to doing things in his life without Noctis. 

It made Prompto feel stupid that so much of his life was centered around Noctis. The only reason Prompto was like this was because of Noctis. Right? But that couldn’t be right. Prompto had to struggle to remember who he was before that. In the two days he spent crying about their fight afterwards, Prompto scraped through his brain. He opened a box of developed pictures and hoped that one picture would answer his question. The truth was, that he knew exactly who he was. He did not need a picture to tell him that. All of the pictures showed that.

All of them before he really started that second series of changes. It was hard to remember how he was before that letter from Lady Lunafreya. Then it all came back to him: The salads, the running and the pictures of animals. They all contained something that involved everyone and anything else except Prompto. Pets that walked with their owners were a favorite of Prompto’s. The wall and the way it touched the horizon and the sky in the strange luminescent glow of the barrier. That was all before the letter. Then there was everything afterwards. After change number three when Prompto met Noctis officially, everything else was just them. There were plenty of pictures of them at the arcade, of milkshakes at the stand down the street from the school, goofing off during lunch and random selfies. Then there were the ones after everything changed. After that fourth great change. The chaste ones of them holding hands while playing King’s Knight and Noctis kissing him on the cheek. Prompto touching Noctis around the waist and vice versa while trying to get the best selfies they had. The press would _kill_ to have these pictures. If these ever got out to the public, Ignis would probably kill Prompto. But now they were memories of things that Prompto wanted to forget. 

Prompto wanted to get rid of all of them. He was still mad. But at the same time, he felt devastated that they were _so_ happy. 

When did it change?

Maybe now, the security guards at the Citadel would kick him out. That part worried Prompto, maybe he would be demonized in the press because how could anyone dump a Prince? Instead of fixating on that, Prompto decided to do something else he also hadn’t done in a while.  
He weighed himself. Then afterwards, Prompto could run like he used to.

Prompto hadn’t weight himself since he began working out with Gladio and the Marshall. This time, he absolutely wanted to see what he had to work with. The scale did not lie, it would always tell the truth. Prompto, who was barely awake, now was absolutely focused on the scale. When Prompto saw the number he was upset. Not because it was him at his skinniest (far from it), but because it seemed like he would have to try and get as close as possible to _that_ number again. Prompto reasoned that if he went lower, maybe he would faint again and that would be bad. So he added ten pounds to that lowest number. The lowest number, the number that Prompto was still sort of proud of, was too low. That was the number where Noctis finally caught him and saw him for what he really was. He was just some pathetic loser that was too skinny. But that loser managed to convince Noctis that he was finally worthy of love. Or something like that. It made Prompto’s wrist itch to think about Noctis finally kissing him. Prompto desperately wanted to change. 

He could absolutely lose fifteen pounds again. Fifteen pounds was nothing. It would probably be nothing right? He’d just have to buy those protein shakes as meal replacements again and stick with salads (no dressing) for lunch and something with lean meats for dinner. Protein would help. Protein would help him feel full. 

Hell anything would help at this point. Becoming fixated on his body was something that Prompto had plenty of control over. So all he needed to do was take it off and forget about Noctis. 

Prompto had to become a different person now than the one from before. That was the only thing that stopped him from thinking about Noctis.

He needed to forget…

So Prompto got his running shoes on, he put the tights and looked for a ratty shirt that was not black. Black was for those closest to the royal family. Prompto wanted to find things that were not black. Any color would be find but black. Prompto finally finished digging and found something good enough for the run. There was a ratty t-shirt that was white with a chocobo on it in the bottom of his drawer. So Prompto put that shirt on and made his way downstairs and out the door to the outside. It was a beautiful morning and it was chilly. 

And with that, Promtpo ran and ran until he forgot that he had to go back to work and be “normal.” “Normal people” got over their boyfriends and girlfriends that yelled at them. Running was never cruel to Prompto. He just had to press on and embrace the concrete and the breaths that would push through his lungs. The feelings of the outside and the raw energy of the morning were all things that he had to use to forget that he had to change.

This would be the fifth change. The change of moving on and moving forward.

***

If anyone at work thought that he looked terrible, Prompto was glad that they had kept it to themselves. Of course, in the days after he came back to work, he blamed it all on the flu. That was an easy excuse. It was easier to pretend that he was sick then to admit that he missed _him_. Part of Prompto really did want to run back to that apartment and yell at Noctis that he could fix whatever had just broken. Prompto even had a brief fantasy about having a boombox above his head as he stood outside the apartment door. However, his bed was much more comfortable. Running away from all of it made him feel better. Seeing Noctis as a shell of his former glory was too painful. This “break” was painful. 

It was now ten days (he counted) and it did not get any easier. Prompto realized that he _had_ to make small talk with the roommate who he had ignored for so long. He even talked with his co-workers and got to know them a little bit better. It was weird and it was slightly liberating? It was also horrifying at the same time. Prompto kept thinking he would see Noctis at the corner of his eye. He went on a lunchbreak with one of the temps and thought he saw Noctis and he was ready to run. But it wasn’t Noctis at all. Now Prompto’s eyes would scan crowds and fixate on anyone with dark and unruly looking hair. 

Sure, Prompto could call him but how could he explain himself… but then what would happen? He meant what he said. At least Prompto had hoped that it came across that way. It would be one thing to watch Noctis slowly waste away. It was something else if Prompto, as _his_ boyfriend, did nothing about it.

Prompto stopped typing on his computer and thought about that. His boyfriend? Were they even still boyfriends?

A memory from high school came to mind immediately. It was one where Prompto and Noctis watched a couple break up before school began during year one. The next day however, the same couple also said that they were on a “break.” Prompto almost wanted to call then and there and ask if they were on a break. What did a “break” even mean?

Despite that, Prompto kept typing up and sending off invoices that were steadily piling up. It was going to be another day of this type of work. Anything to stop thinking about _him_ …

 _No_. Not thinking about _him_.

When Prompto did think about _him_ , he put a piece of gum in his mouth. Sugarfree, of course... 

***

It was the next day. A Friday (thank the Gods). H had the weekend to himself. Prompto had no plans except to maybe clean his room and start organizing all of those photos. He still had plenty of Noctis that he should probably get rid of. Even at work, Prompto was excited to have that solitude for the next two days. But on this, the 11th day (if Prompto’s count served him right), Prompto saw Gladio outside of his office at exactly 5:15 pm. 

For the first time in maybe an hour (or was it 15 minutes?), Prompto was now aware that he had to think about Noctis in some way. This also made Prompto want to run and tell Gladio to go away. The other part of him wanted to go run straight up to Gladio and demand to see… _him_.

“Heya,” Prompto waved nervously. He was still not sure what Gladio would want. Maybe this was the official meeting to tell Prompto that Noctis no longer wanted to be apart of his life. Prompto steeled himself for that conversation. He steadied his breathing and made sure to remind himself not to cry over this. Not in public. _Especially_ not in public. He did plenty of that already over the past few days and to do it in public would be the worst.

“Let’s go get some coffee kid,” Gladio said in a gruff voice. Prompto wanted to say no thank you.

“Sure,” Prompto said quietly.

Gods be damned.

***

The walk was so awkward. Prompto forced himself to talk about work. Gladio talked about this new protein drink that had 30 grams of protein and no added sugars. Prompto mentally took note of the drink and decided to buy it later. But other than that, they talked around Noctis. Prompto knew it was going to come up soon, but he didn’t want to talk about it. Gladio seemed to realize that and talked around it as well. They talked about literally anything related to fitness. Prompto brushed aside the fact that Gladio mentioned that he looked smaller. Prompto could just blame it on the “break.” Maybe after Prompto lost the rest of the weight, he could dye his hair? Or get a piercing? Something like that might make this change better. 

He was still going to go through his plan, after all. He was going to change and find new friends and just try and ignore… _him_. Maybe he could move to Lestallum or try and get a job in Gualdin Quay? That was a good plan right?

“Hey kid,” Gladio was staring at him with a hot cup of tea steaming up in front of his face. “Let’s talk about Noctis.”

Prompto wanted to say no. He was going to leave. Even now, he hoped that Gladio didn’t see him gripping his mug of unsweetened tea tightly. 

“Okay,” Prompto replied instead.

“I said,” Gladio coughed. “That I didn’t want to get involved. But…”

Prompto stared at Gladio. Before Gladio got started again, Prompto tried to stop him.

“Look,” Prompto interrupted. He steeled himself against Gladio and took a deep breath. “I… he looked bad. I didn’t like the way he talked to me.”

“I know kid,” Gladio hummed. He took a sip of his tea. “Usually, when he gets all pissy like that, I ignore him. I yell at him to do better. Or I just say that he is going to be king someday. Kings don’t throw tantrums, they just work through it. Whatever _it_ is.”

Prompto felt himself getting angry again but he stayed silent. 

“I didn’t,” Prompto bit his lip and closed his eyes. “I… didn’t want to become a punching bag.”

“Good for you kid,” Gladio smiled at him. “Ignis explained what is going on with him. I kind of understand.”

Prompto tilted his head and waited for the explanation. Instead, Gladio continued to sip on his tea and Prompto felt himself become more flustered. 

“You look really skinny too,” Gladio cocked an eye and really did look at Prompto. He eyed him sadly, or at least Prompto thought he looked kind of sad. “Noctis looks like shit too.”

“You know how it is,” Prompto said stupidly. He gulped and realized that he didn’t know what the hell he was talking about.

“People get dumped or break up all the time kid,” Gladio said wearily. “You won’t be the first or the last.”

Prompto didn’t answer him but continued to stare at this part of their table that hadn't been cleaned properly. 

“Does he think it’s over?” Prompto asked. Gladio didn’t answer him either and for the first time since that second day they didn’t talk, Prompto could feel himself cry. But he didn’t have tissues to help him stop the tears.

“No kid,” Gladio said in a kind voice.

Prompto gulped. “Okay then…”

They sat that way for a while. Prompto felt stupid as he tried to wash away his tears with the sleeves of his shirt. It was a good thing there weren’t too many people there. Prompto felt idiotic trying not to draw attention to their table. He hoped that no tabloid reporters were in there. He was also grateful that Gladio didn’t leave him. 

“Look kid,” Gladio said after a while. “I can tell his Highness is in love with you.”

Prompto choked back a sob but Gladio still continued to talk.

“I don’t feel like it is my place to tell you what Noctis told me.”

Prompto stopped crying and steadied his breathing. Gladio eyed him kindly and sipped more of his tea. 

“Me and Iggy,” Gladio began in a gruff tone. “Well, we know what our jobs are. I’d do anything for Noctis. Same with Iggy. And hell… I’m sad too especially since...” Gladio coughed again but shook his head. “I just think you should hear it from Noctis. And if you decide you want an out, then take the out Prompto.”

“I don’t know,” Prompto answered honestly. “I mean, I always thought that… I don’t know.” He paused to really think about his answer. “I just thought, he’d find someone better. A p-princess, you know?” He gulped. “Someone that he could be proud of. I’m just…”

A plebe.

A nobody.

A person that almost failed language class.

A less than “human” type of “human.”

A person that should be better at eating.

A “person” that can’t be a “normal person.”

“You are a good person Prompto,” Gladio said confidently. He was almost beaming at Prompto.

“No I’m not,” Prompto said truthfully. “I was trying to get rid of all of the pictures of us.”

“That’s understandable,” Gladio replied. 

“I left him though,” Prompto said.. 

“Well,” Gladio smiled. “I get it kid. He has been acting like an asshole recently. He should tell people he trusts about his problems. It’s hard to bear all of that alone. He is going to suck as a king if he doesn’t talk properly.”

Prompto thought that was true. “Yeah… but I’m still mad at him.”

“Why?” Gladio asked. He looked at Prompto with kind eyes and Prompto felt ashamed enough to lie.

“Well,” Prompto began. He decided not to lie. “We told each other everything. And then we didn’t…”

“It happens kid,” Gladio offered. “Sometimes it is hard to lie, but I don’t know. I’ve never been in love before. But watching you two… it was nice to see _that_.”

Prompto smiled back sadly. He felt the tears coming back to him but he didn’t want to cry again. Especially not in public.

“I thought,” Prompto began carefully. “Maybe it was something I did wrong. That I had to change. But I don’t think I ever had to change. I’m not sure I’ll be okay enough with Noctis’ answers either.”

Prompto felt liberated again. Like he could run anywhere and do anything. Prompto tried not to think about him for a week. He tried not to say his name aloud. Even saying his name now felt awe inspiring and painful.

“Then decide that for yourself.” Gladio began. “Or don’t. It’s up to you.”

Prompto and Gladio sat in the same place for a long time. Or at least, Prompto thought it was a long time because the sun had set when Gladio announced that he was going home. But Prompto was not done talking.

“Wait,” Prompto began. “So if I talk to him…”

“Yeah,” Gladio began. “At least if you decide that it’s over, maybe closure might be good.”

Prompto smiled sadly. “Yeah, that might be good.”

“You know kid,” Gladio began. “Sometimes love isn’t enough.”

“Yeah,” Prompto knew all _too_ well about that. “I guess, when I’m ready… I’ll give him a call. I just need some time…”

Gladio smiled and this time is was wide and genuine. “Good.”

“Thank you,” Prompto hoped the tone he used sounded meaningful. 

“Of course,” Gladio grinned widely. 

Prompto stared at the cup, that was not filled with steam anymore, and stared out of the window of the cafe. 

“Do you wanna grab a dinner?” Gladio asked suddenly. “I am starving.”

Prompto gulped but was determined in his resolve. “No, I had something already at home.”

Gladio eyed Prompto, for a second it was disbelieving but he nodded. “Alright kid. I’ll see you around then?”

Prompto finally stood up from his seat and he felt tired. The conversation was exhausting but Prompto felt better. He also did not lie though. He really did have a meal in the fridge that was filled with protein and was also low in calories. So he waited until Gladio was out of sight down the road. They waved goodbye to each other and Prompto decided to walk back to his apartment. It probably would have been better to take the subway home, but Prompto felt that he needed to walk.

He kept walking and thinking about whether his love was enough and Prompto did not think so. They still fell apart. Their love was not enough. Noctis still could not tell Prompto what was wrong but now, in the aftermath, Noctis was ready and Prompto was not sure how to feel about that.

For now, he wanted to wait to think about it some more. Maybe there would be one picture that would remind Prompto of what they had. For now, he couldn't even remember their prom night. Prompto thought that that night was their peak. They were at their best that night. They didn't care what anyone else thought. He forgot that they were being watched from every angle. He even forgot that he had sang to Noctis on the roof. He sang some song about “fading into you” or something like that. And Noctis smiled at him while they kissed and danced on the school rooftop.

Those memories made Prompto feel even more miserable. 

Prompto barely realized he was home when he stopped walking. It was auto-pilot or familiarity but he unlocked the door and slumped his way back to his room. He went through all of the photos that he ignored for a week. They were all filled with Noctis and him just being a young couple and in love. There were a few photos of Noctis playing videogames but looking tired. In others, Prompto saw Noctis training with Gladio but his eyes were out of focus. They were wild and uncertain.

Then there was one picture and it was from the year before. Maybe near Prompto’s 19th birthday. Noctis was there at the small get-together in this private section of a restaurant. So were Ignis and Gladio. They were all drinking and genuinely happy. However, Noctis looked weary. The rest of them blamed it on Noctis not taking a nap in the afternoon. But Prompto could tell that his boyfriend’s eyes were sad and full of regret. Prompto wondered, even after he got these pictures developed, why was Noctis so sad?

Prompto wanted to ask him why. Why couldn't you tell me about your problems? Why did you send Gladio to do your dirty work? 

Why was our love not enough?

Prompto wanted to know why but those answers were uncertain. All Prompto knew was that he had to wait for an answer. This was one part of his life now that he couldn’t control. He could control his weight. The extra weight that was on his body that _had_ to be shed could come off now. So that night, Prompto skipped dinner. He drank another protein shake and continued to drink tea without sugar. He wanted to make sure he could carve out and start the change sooner. So he fell asleep and tried to forget the rumbling of his stomach and the ache in his heart. This change was harder than the others but he could do it.

 _But_...

But Prompto missed _him_. Gods, he missed _him_.


	5. Start Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sad people have the gift of time, while the world dizzies everyone else; they remain stagnant, their bodies refusing to follow pace with the universe. With these kind of people everything aches for too long, everything moves without rush, wounds are always wet."
> 
> -Warsan Shire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no update, but thank you for those that are keeping up with this story. The angst is still there but it will not be as bad I hope. Thank you!
> 
> No major warnings. Just lots of talk about death.

 

> _Dear Noctis,_
> 
> _I am sorry to hear that you have not been able to reconcile your relationship with Prompto. I think that you two were a good fit for one another. Although, I believe you should try and make an effort to talk to him. It sounds as though you need some closure from your last letter to me. If nothing else, you will know where he stands and vice versa. I am afraid I cannot give you any legitimate relationship advice. Despite that, I believe that you went about this all wrong Noctis. I have accepted my fate. I know what lies ahead and I have accepted it. It took many years for me to do this. You have only had less than a year. I do suspect that maybe you have known much longer._
> 
> _I cannot tell you what happened to me. One day, everything became clear to me when I went to go heal a small girl who had been affected by the scourge. I was exhausted afterwards Noctis. It was a long trip and I had no choice but to be there. But the joy I brought her family after the fact, made me realize that perhaps my few good deeds are worth it. My life was forfeit and was always going to be one in the service of others. The same is true for you is it not?_
> 
> _We have no choice Noctis. You and I have to do our best to make sure that this world is saved. I do not know why it had to be us. But I would rather I do this than my sons or daughters. I do not want to do what I have to do. I feel that is an odd way to rationalize this but it is the only thing that makes sense to me. If it was not me Noctis, it would have been my mother or hers. Your father or his could have been the King of Light._
> 
> _Please, do not feel as though you need to keep this all to yourself. Talk to someone about it. If Prompto hears you out, tell him everything. Once I was able to do that with my own brother, I felt much better. I know my purpose and I will remain focused to make sure that you and I succeed. Please, keep going Noctis. I believe in you._
> 
> _You can do it. Send a message soon._
> 
> _All my love,_
> 
> _Luna_

***

“FOCUS!”

With one swoop, Cor quickly struck down upon Noctis’ sword. With only a second to react, Noctis phased out and gained a few feet of space so he could set up for the parry. Cor was quick and Noctis was still not at his best. He was close to it, but it was hard to focus.

“HIGHNESS!”

Noctis was able to time the angle just right and Cor’s sword vibrated against Noctis’ own. Without hesitation, Noctis was able to kick Cor in the shin and bring him down with another swipe of his engine sword. He had done it. Cor laid on the ground, breathing deeply, but with a small grin on his face.

“Well done,” Cor said gruffly. Noctis nodded in return and swiped some of the sweat on the back of his hand. In an instant, his sword was back in the armiger with one flick of Noctis’ hand. With the other, Noctis gingerly sat down on the palace lawn. It was green and beautiful with the advent of autumn leaves sprinkling the in. Noctis really wanted to get a drink of water, but it was too far away.

“Thanks,” Noctis said quietly. Moving back into the castle had been good for him. Ignis drew up a schedule but allowed some time for Noctis to relax away from royal duties. It had been about a week, but being around people had somehow reminded him that his purpose was, ultimately to lead them. Luna was right about that, as she was right about most things. It was tough to accept that at first but it had become easier for Noctis. It was hard to be accountable in an apartment by himself. Especially without Prompto.

It had been three weeks since their fight. Prompto hadn’t texted him and Noctis did not make any effort either. What Noctis did know was that Prompto was still hanging out and working. He was able to piece that together because Prompto did hang out with both Ignis and Gladio on separate occasions. Ignis said nothing of their conversations and neither did Gladio. Noctis wanted to know what was being said but at the same time he didn’t. Nothing else had changed really. Gladio was still joking around with him and Ignis had a witty retort for everything that Noctis did slightly wrong (who cared about a utensil order anyways).

Cor finally stood up and walked closer towards Noctis but did not leave as Noctis had anticipated. He just stood there and it seemed to Noctis anyways, that he was watching the sun set in the distance. The wall looked eerily beautiful.

“So,” Cor began in that same gruff voice. “I haven’t seen Prompto around.”

Noctis refused to look up but felt small and inadequate again. Instead of the shower, Noctis now wanted to crawl back into bed and sleep for another twelve hours.

“Yeah,” Noctis shook his head lightly. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Fight huh?” Cor said with a hollow laugh.

“It’s complicated,” Noctis replied back. He took a deep breath and was in no mood to tell Cor about all of his relationship problems.

“Everything’s complicated,” Cor offered. “I think… you would feel better if you talked to him.”

“He doesn’t want to talk to me,” Noctis could feel his eyes stinging but blinked that back. Instead, he bunched his knees up towards his chest and let his head come to rest on his elbows. He was tired. “He shouldn’t talk to me anyways.”

“If you apologize,” Cor offered. “You might feel better. Even if he doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.”

“I guess,” Noctis sighed.

“Look,” Cor coughed lightly. He looked at the sunset but then looked back at Noctis. “I don’t know the kid very well. But I do know this: He comes in and does what I tell him to do. And he does it well. He is now one of the best marksmen and with a few more months, he will pass basic training.” Cor now sat down right beside Noctis, but Cor never took his eyes on the sunset. “Even when he messes up, and he does… _a lot_... he doesn’t give up. The Glaives and even some in the Crownsguard… they aren’t optimists. Their lives are hard Noctis… but… you kind of found an optimist. People give up way too easily if things get tough.”

Noctis just blinked and looked at the sunset. It was now much colder than it was just a few minutes ago. The lights for the Citadel illuminated the rest of the grounds and the grounds now look dark and foreboding. It was nothing like before.

“Optimists don’t exist anymore,” Cor continued. “Right now, the Empire is gaining a foothold on territories very close to Lucis. It’s hard to say if we will be enough. However, I look at that kid…”

Noctis now looked at Cor, who looked exhausted. Instead Cor smiled back and patted Noctis lightly on the shoulder. Noctis watched as Cor stood up and turned away to head back towards the castle.

“It’s hard to find an Optimist, your Highness.”

It was the truth. Noctis knew it, but he still was terrified to call Prompto.

***

Noctis decided to be good. He took the shower. He got back into bed and played a video game. It was progress. Usually in the past year, he went straight to bed. Progress was good.

Cor’s words were still bouncing around in his head. Luna’s letter that arrived earlier that day rung even truer. It was true, all of it. Prompto was the optimist. They just had to talk. Prompto had been through so much and Noctis was not even sure that he knew everything about him. All Noctis knew was that he had people he could talk to. Prompto didn’t. But Prompto still tried his hardest to make Noctis smile. Even in the past year of denial and his gradual reclusion, Noctis still had Prompto getting him out of bed. Prompto still made him laugh. Even when Noctis thought there was nothing worth laughing about.

Noctis wanted to tell Prompto that they weren’t going to be together for very long. That this was going to end. There was not going to be a way to be together. Something or someone totally out of his control or comprehension decided that it just had to be him. It made Noctis think about his father, and how he was working and killing himself for his son. Even when Noctis tried to talk about it with his father, he couldn’t get the words out. How could he? Noctis thought that if he said it out loud, it would be final.

Noctis wanted to talk to his father now though. His father saw him for a bit when Noctis moved back in. But it was only for a minute but he went straight back to work.

Seeing his father made Noctis even more tired. That minute of his father greeting him was too much. He was cognizantly aware that his father was wasting away in front of him. The bags around his eyes were much deeper. The creases that framed his forehead were there but seemed even more pronounced. There were more than their were even a few months ago. It made Noctis’ own heart uneasy. He could not believe that this was his future. Noctis was going to end up like his father. He was going to age fast and leave the ones that loved the most behind. The thought of leaving Prompto behind made Noctis’ heart ache. Whenever anyone said Prompto’s name, he wanted to curl back into bed and forget that they had met. But Noctis never wanted to forget him at all.

In a lot of ways, Noctis already started the process of acceptance that he was going to leave. He just needed his father to hear him out and Noctis needed his father to make time for him.

Sure enough, there was a knock at the door. His father came into his room slowly and Noctis watched his father wave at him. Noctis hung his head right away when his father gave him a smile.

Noctis felt absolute shame.

“Hey,” Noctis muttered quietly. His father walked forward and sat down gingerly onto Noctis’ bed. His knees buckled slightly under the weight of a new knee brace that Noctis studied a bit. That brace was new…

“Hello,” Regis coughed. He coughed a bit more but it sounded painful. Each cough sounded more and more grating on Noctis’ ears. “Sorry…”

“It’s okay,” Noctis began. “I know you are busy.” Noctis paused and looked at his Dad. “We can talk some other time…”

“No no,” his father waved his hand and smiled at Noctis. “I know you... have been having a tough time recently…”

Noctis hung his head in shame again and didn’t want to tell his father anything. “Dad seriously... we can talk some other time.”

“I want to talk about this now,” his father’s tone was even and clear. Noctis had no way to escape it so he was just going to sit and listen. “Ignis gave me a brief update. On most things… however I want to hear it from you.”

Noctis gulped and slowly turned his body towards his father. His father looked at Noctis sadly but all Noctis could focus on was the wrinkles on his father’s face.

“I don’t know where to start,” Noctis said truthfully.

“Well,” his father began in a solemn tone. “The beginning is usually the best place to start.”

Noctis tilted his head and thought about it. He did not know how to piece the words together. He mumbled and his father could not hear him. So Noctis took a deep breath and tried again.

He had to try again. “So. I _know_. About…ummm… about... what I am supposed to do.”

Noctis did not want to look at his father but tried his best to remain focused.

“I see,” his father’s voice was low. Even at that moment, Noctis finally did look at his father. He was in tears and Noctis had no idea what to do. He was too stunned to move and Noctis had never seen his father cry before. It was devastating in a way that Noctis could not comprehend. It was quiet for a long time. Neither of them said anything to one another. There was a calm finality to this realization. This was their own burden that no one outside would carry. Maybe Noctis should get angry with his father but why would he? Luna was right: if it wasn’t him, it would have been his son or daughter. It could have been the man crying before Noctis’ own eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Noctis said finally. He had no idea what else to say. “Dad… I have a question.”

It took a while for his father to stop crying. When Noctis wiped his own face, he realized he was wiping away tears of his own. Noctis repeated what he had said again and watched as his father looked at him again. His eyes were clear and focused. Noctis thought of what he would do if their roles were swapped. He could not imagine having to stay this strong.

“How do you do it?” Noctis asked. “I see you and nothing really gets to you.” Noctis paused and took a few deep breaths. “I don’t know how to do this or how to be a king. I don’t even know if I can do what it says in the Cosmology books. How do I… how do I do this?”

His father smiled at him solemnly. “I do not know. I wanted you to be a good man. And I believe you are one Noctis.”

Noctis shook his head and tried not to cry. He was not a good man, not by a long shot. But Noctis thought this is what fathers try and do: Make their sons feel better.

“All I want for you Noctis,” his father began again. “Is for you to live your life and do the things that make you happy. Find the things that make you happy and do that with the time you have now. I wish I could have done things differently.” His father paused and looked sad once again, but he continued on. “I did not want to burden you. I did not want to be responsible for you becoming less than what you are capable of. You are going to do great things Noctis. But I want you to be happy.”

Noctis tried to think about what made him happy. In a weird way, this conversation made him happy. Because now it was all out in the open now. He felt much better than he had recently. Cor’s conversation with him earlier made him happy. Luna’s letter (which he had not yet responded to), made him happy. She was going to be there at his side. They were going to save the world and he had no idea what that entailed but if she was ready, then he could find some strength to be ready. Ignis made him happy earlier with trying to make the dessert that Noctis still could not fully enjoy because there was still a missing ingredient. There was Gladio that took him out this morning for an early breakfast but Noctis did not mind for once. These people made him happy.

But the _only_ person that made him truly happy was not there. Noctis was scared to tell Prompto everything because how could be possibly explain all of this. Even then, Noctis knew that Prompto would try and find a way to fix this. Cor said as much. Maybe Noctis could use that optimism to keep him going. There was still the likelihood that Prompto wouldn’t hear what he had to say. All Noctis knew was that he had to try. There was no point in letting his father believe that he would do anything less.

Before Noctis knew what he was doing, he gave his father a hug. He could not remember the last time he did that. And his father hugged him back and there was a knock at the door. But his father still hugged him tightly while patting his back.

The act was small but Noctis still felt that at least there was some hope there. The knocks kept coming and finally, his father let go.

Noctis knew what he had to do next.

***

 

> _Dear Luna,_
> 
> _I really messed things up but I want to try to be better. It is hard, I don’t know how to do that. After I finish writing this letter, I am going to talk to Prompto. I think you are right in saying that maybe closure would be good. I need the closure._
> 
> _I think I still might need your help accepting this. It is a lot and I do not know how to do this. Can you tell me more so that at least I can try and make my peace with it? I want to know more. Please tell me where to look. I would appreciate it._
> 
> _Today I had some good talks with my Dad and Cor. Ignis tried to make the dessert again and it was okay. Gladio took me out for some pancakes and they were good._
> 
> _Thank you Luna. At least I know what I should do next. I am a bit nervous, but I’ll let you know how that goes. I’m sorry this is shorter than the letter you sent me. I promise the next one will be much longer._
> 
> _Thank you again,_
> 
> _Noctis_

***

It was late.

Well technically it was 10 o’clock at night so it was not that late. Ignis sounded annoyed when Noctis called him earlier. Gladio thought it was a bad idea, so naturally, he came along. The three of them sat in the car in silence. Noctis said nothing but he was _so_ nervous. He had sent a text to Prompto. The first text in a long time. What Noctis said was simple, “Let’s talk please. I am coming over now.”

When Noctis paced his room and heard Prompto’s ringtone, Noctis could not but help but be relieved by the answer back, “Ok then. Let’s talk.”

That’s all Noctis needed. He got dressed in a nicer outfit and called Ignis. Maybe Noctis should have thought this through more because now he had no idea what to say to Prompto.

“Maybe you should bring him flowers,” Gladio said suddenly. They were already some distance away from the Citadel and any shops nearby that Noctis could see.

“There aren’t many shops open now,” Ignis said dryly. “What do you think Noct?”

“Umm,” Noctis thought about it. He had no idea what type of flowers Prompto liked. He knew it was at least a tie between orchids, sunflowers and daisies. Prompto always had pictures of those flowers on his camera. But Ignis was right, nothing was really open right now.

“We could go back to the Citadel and ask one of the field hands to grab something,” Ignis offered. “That’s probably the best option. We did not think this through.”

“It’s okay,” Noctis said slowly. He bit his lip and knew that Prompto’s apartment was only two streets away. “I’m… well… I’m kind of nervous.”

“It’ll be fine,” Gladio turned around from his seat on the passenger’s side and smiled at Noctis. “Just go up and we’ll wait down here right Iggy?”

“Absolutely,” Ignis nodded at Noctis through the rearview window. “I’ll find somewhere to park if anything happens. Then you can just walk there. I did not notice any cars following us so I believe you are alright Noct.”

“Alright,” Noctis coughed. He was wringing his hands and trying to dry off the sweat that were on his palms. Why was he so nervous? Prompto _wanted_ to talk to him. He should be grateful for that at least. When Ignis slowed to a stop in front of Prompto’s apartment building, Noctis knew that this was the moment. It was now or never. Noctis did not say anything to his friends but nodded at the two of them. The mumbled “good lucks” as Noctis shut the car door behind him.

It was cold outside. But Noctis hurried up the steps and looked for the directory on the side of the building. Noctis never came here because it was too much work. Prompto usually just went over to his apartment, but that was not an option now. He was here and he buzzed for entry when he saw “P. Argentum” for apartment 532. The door swung open right away and Noctis hurried into the courtyard before the gate could properly shut itself. The attendant did not even look at Noctis as he entered the lobby and for that Noctis was grateful. He did not need the press or the media to know he was there.

The elevator ride was squeaky and it felt tediously long. Noctis’ hands were still sweating but he felt for the first time in a long time, awake. There was no depressive haze riding over him. He felt oddly free. The words that were bouncing around in his mind were starting to form. Noctis had his explanation ready.

When the doors opened, he already knew where to go. His pace was steady and he stood up straighter. His back seemed to thank him for that small change because even that made Noctis feel stronger.

Before Noctis knew it, there was the door. It was 532, in a washed out brass that did not suit the dinky green that was on the outside. Noctis knocked and waited.

When he finally heard the shuffle of feet behind the door, Noctis forgot how to breathe. The words that he had in his head were gone and replaced by a blank slate. The door opened slowly.

There _he_ was.

Noctis swallowed and Prompto met his gaze. He looked smaller than he did before. But Prompto had a nervous smile on his face.

“Hey,” Prompto bowed his head. He was dressed in some sweats and some t-shirt with some chocobos on it. Noctis liked that stupid shirt and Prompto knew that didn’t he? Or did he forget?

“Hey,” Noctis smiled at him. Prompto nervously met Noctis’ eyes again. “I…”

The words were all gone but thankfully Prompto opened the door much wider.

“Come in,” Prompto had a weak smile. “Let’s talk.”


	6. Sandcastles/Die for You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "When I love, I love: wholly, thoroughly, completely, drowning in everything. Every glance can be a conversation, eyes just playing and saying what needs to be said. Silence is loud, and the air becomes heavy. I want you. I want all of you."
> 
> -Warsan Shire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Sadness Ahead]

Prompto’s heart was beating so fast but he busied himself around his apartment to try and calm himself down. It was not lived in at except within the past month. Ignis managed to help Prompto find the building that had a 3 year waiting list and bump Prompto up to the top of the list before he graduated from high school. The final straw for Prompto was his parents showing up to his high school graduation but leaving almost 10 minutes after everything was over. They had taken their pictures with him and urged Prompto to have fun. He did have fun with Noctis. But that night, in secret, he started to pack his things.

 

Noctis asked Prompto to move in with him after graduation and Prompto had said no. Not because he didn’t want to (he _really_ wanted to), but something held him back. He didn’t know what it was because for most of senior year, Prompto had lived in Noctis’ apartment. Prompto had a toothbrush there, some extra clothes and shoes there. In retrospect, the invitation scared him. 

 

Prompto said no and that was that. Noctis looked said but accepted it. Prompto thought about it every day and could have sworn that Noctis looked at him differently that day. Maybe it was just his imagination, or maybe it was the ridiculous truth that Prompto knew. Noctis didn’t like him anymore and was just messing with him. Those thought entered his head with increasing frequency since they graduated. Prompto was being photographed and did not like the way he looked. The worst day was when he saw some trashy tabloid when he turned 18 and he could have _sworn_  that it was a double chin. And he was wearing a vest that day because it was cold. So he looked like trash.

 

It was the worst thing. Of course Noctis accepted his reluctance, Noctis could never be around someone that _looked_  like him. 

 

He was disgusting.

 

And Noctis was going to see how disgusting he was. So, he had to clean. It was the only thing to do. Prompto had missed Noctis so much it was as ridiculous as he felt about everything. It was to the point where Prompto tried to remember what he did with his life before Noctis. He could not even remember what the hell he did. All he knew was that somewhere between meeting Tiny and maybe starting school that those years were a blur or just living. 

 

Prompto hoped he would forget but it was hard. So he substituted Noctis for his fitness apps and calorie counters. It came back with a vengeance. The app that he used to talk to Noctis, he replaced with his calorie counter. His thumb sometimes still moved onto the app that was there and Prompto was met with the reality that he needed to drink water.

 

The gym was not an option anymore because there were a few tabloids outside of his apartment. So Prompto used the exercise apps and hoped that this would be able to substitute his loneliness. Every suicide drill that he did and every military press that he did in his apartment did not make the progress any better. Prompto _knew_  better but it was hard to be better with a broken heart.

 

It all came to a head with that message from Noctis. Prompto really did want to see him. Maybe he could get closure and apologize. Maybe they would have sex on his couch. Or maybe they would just agree to be civil with one another. Each scenario that Prompto came up with made him feel horrible because as much as he wanted Noctis to hold him, he also wanted to text back that he had changed his mind. 

 

Before Prompto knew it, Noctis was there, looking miserable but trying to smile at him. So Prompto tried his best to smile and welcome him in. It felt weird but Prompto watched him and Noctis watched him back with equal apprehension. 

 

“You can sit down,” Prompto pointed to the couch and it was one that Gladio had given him when his parents bought some new furniture for their house. Noctis eyed the couch and eyed the rest of the apartment which was pretty bare. There was a single small circle table with room for four people. There were some dishes and a crockpot on the counter. Prompto thought it looked better than before because at least the dishes were drying.

 

Prompto watched Noctis carefully and Noctis sat down awkwardly. Prompto felt awkward too. But he sat down as well. And for a while they said nothing to each other. Noctis would cough as he looked at Prompto to say something. In the meantime, Prompto tried to say something but he could not think of what to say. 

 

“How have you been?” Noctis finally said. Prompto thought he was going to say the same thing. Maybe, but he might have said the same thing.

 

“Okay I guess,” Prompto responded. “I think I have been doing okay.”

 

Noctis eyed him and Prompto knew what that look was. Prompto was just _fine_. 

 

“Have you been eating okay?” Noctis asked finally. Prompto felt a little upset that this was the question Noctis wanted to ask him. “I can never tell now.”

 

“I talked to someone else a few days ago,” Prompto said cooly. “He agreed not to talk to the tabloids. So that was nice.”

 

“Oh,” Noctis said. He smiled a bit in surprise. “That’s good.”

 

The silence lasted for a bit. Prompto didn’t know what to say, but he figured he should tell Noctis everything now. Might as well.

 

“Noct,” Prompto bit his lip and took a deep breath. “I… Haven’t you ever wondered why umm…”

 

Prompto tugged on the wristband and Noctis just watched Prompto do that. He looked back up at Prompto and looked confused. 

 

“What?” Noctis asked.

 

“I don’t think I’m a person,” Prompto said quickly. “No one else has this.” Prompto began to peel away his wristband and the skin below was already sweating. The barcode was still there. Noctis just stared at it and Prompto felt too tired and exhausted to be horrified by his bravery now. If this was going to be the last time they would see each other, Prompto figured Noctis should know everything about him. “I don’t know what I am.”

 

Noctis just looked at Prompto and back at the barcode. “Do you remember getting it?”

 

“No,” Prompto shook his head. “I’ve had this as long as I can remember.”

 

“But you are a person,” Noctis frowned. “That might just might be someone that gave you a birthmark.”

 

“I don’t know Noct,” Prompto frowned. “This is a fucked up thing to do to a baby.”

 

Noctis frowned seemed to get deeper but he looked like he was choosing his words carefully. “I’ll figure out who did this.”

 

“You don’t have to do that,” Prompto said quietly. “I’ll figure it out eventually.”

 

“But I can help you,” Noctis said in a hushed voice. He inched closely but Prompto backed away on the couch very slowly. Noctis got the hint and stopped.

 

“Look Noct,” Prompto chose his words carefully. “I appreciate it. But I should get my shit together. And I’ll figure it out eventually?”

 

Noctis nodded but didn’t say anything else. He looked like he wanted to though.

 

“I appreciate you coming over too,” Prompto nodded. “Maybe someday we can be cool but..” Prompto felt brave again and went on. “Why did you get so mad at me? I am trying my best. I can’t do anything else…”

 

“It’s not you Prompto,” Noctis looked at Prompto and it was a look that Prompto had never seen before. “It really isn’t you.”

 

“Then what is it?” Prompto was so confused.

 

Noctis took a deep breath. Then another. Then he took Prompto’s hand and Prompto, instead of pulling back, he let Noctis take it. 

 

“I figured something out,” Noctis sighed. “It’s not good.” Prompto saw Noctis cry and really did want to let go of his hand, but he couldn’t. He tried to think of worse case scenarios, but Prompto decided to wait and hear it out loud.

 

“ _Noct_ …”

 

“L-listen to me,” Noctis wiped his tears with one hand. “I talked with Luna. And my Dad. Apparently… I’m the chosen king.” He paused. “I thought I knew what that meant, but I didn’t <em>know</em>. I figured it out.”

 

Noctis closed his eyes and held onto Prompto’s hand firmly. This time though, Prompto let him squeeze it as hard as he could. There was nothing else Prompto could do to comfort him, at that point.

 

“I,” Noctis’ voice was hoarse. “I… I have to die.”

 

Prompto tilted his head. He must have misheard this, surely. “What?”

 

“Prompto,” Noctis took a deep breath and choked back a sob. “I-I w-wanted to t-tell y-you.”

 

“I don’t understand,” Prompto said honestly. “What do you mean you have to die?”

 

“I h-have to die,” Noctis said, he laughed in disbelief even with his tears streaming down his face even more freely than before. “Prompto… I have to die so I can save everyone.”

 

“That,” Prompto was now mad and in denial. That made no sense at all. He felt frantic. “But… we can find a way to fix that. Who decided that? Is it because you are going to be king? There has to be another way!”

 

“There isn’t,” Noctis smiled sadly. “Ignis is trying to find a way. I don’t know if we are going to be able to fix this. I’m the only one that can do it.”

 

“You,” Prompto tried to stand up but Noctis was still holding his hand. It was too much. Prompto wanted Noctis to quit with this joke and snap out of it. But Noctis was not joking, he was in tears and they weren’t stopping. It took a minute but it finally sunk in. It explained so much. Prompto felt awful but there was no way to help him. But Prompto could figure something out. They had to figure something out. There was nothing Prompto could do now but to hold Noctis’ hand and inch closer. Noctis did what he had done in the past. He buried his head into Prompto’s chest. Prompto let Noctis hug him tightly. Prompto just held on and maybe he started crying before this but now Prompto was aware of just how utterly devastated he was.

 

***

 

It took an hour or two to calm down. Noctis hadn’t remembered crying like that in so long. But he did and he waited until his heartbeat was calm. He could hear Prompto’s thudding softly against his ear. If he thought about it too much, he began to cry again. So Noctis just waited until he heard Prompto’s stomach make a noise. He had laughed but Prompto did too. 

 

“Hey,” Noctis said softly. “Let’s order some food, yeah?”

 

“Okay,” Prompto giggled a bit. “Okay…”

 

“I’m sorry,” Noctis said finally. “I really am. I wanted to tell you but…”

 

“I get it though,” Prompto said confidently. “I think until you told me I wasn’t okay, I didn’t believe it.”

 

“Yeah,” Noctis replied. He felt numb and stupid. What else could he say? 

 

“Pizza sounds good though,” Prompto sighed. “You can stay.”

 

“Thanks,” Noctis looked up and Prompto just grinned back. “I… thank you. You don’t have to.”

 

“Next time,” Prompto said. “Well… just tell me. I can’t figure it out if you don’t tell me.”

 

“Okay,” Noctis agreed. “Do you want to get back together?”

 

There was a pause, Prompto was thinking about it. “I think so. But I’ll need some time.”

 

“Okay,” Noctis sighed. He dug through his pockets and found his phone. It was then, that Prompto grabbed both sides of his face and Noctis forgot his phone. “What?”

 

“I mean it okay,” Prompto looked serious, which Noctis thought was off. But considering this conversation, it was warranted. “Just tell me everything.”

 

“Okay,” Noctis inched his way up. He was close to Prompto’s face and closed his eyes. He gave Prompto a quick kiss on the cheek. Noctis carefully opened his eyes and Prompto just rolled his eyes at him.

 

“Pizza, you highnessness,” Prompto laughed. “Order it already…”

  
  


***

 

“You are home finally.”

 

Noctis looked up and his Dad was there in the doorway. He used his cane to walk in slowly. Noctis steeled himself a bit.

 

“Yeah,” Noctis said stupidly. “I was with Prompto.”

 

“Oh,” his Dad sighed. “Did you sort things out.”

 

“Yeah,” Noctis smiled. “Kinda… but things are better.”

 

“Did you tell him everything?” his Dad asked.

 

Noctis could feel the tears behind his eyes and nodded. “Yes.”

 

“You’ll need him there at the end,” his Dad said in a grim voice. “I’m glad he’ll be there with you.”

 

“Me too,” Noctis said. “It’ll be time soon, won’t it?”

 

“Yes,” his Dad said. “It’ll be soon.”

 

Noctis nodded. “Okay…”

 

“Enjoy it all now,” his Dad said. “I know I could have done more. But… I’m glad that you fell in love at least before the end.”

 

As his Dad approached slowly, there was no point to keep it in. Noctis just cried because, his Dad was right. 

  
  


***

  
  


The day might have been any day. Noctis cannot remember what day it was. All he remembered was that he asked his dad for keys to the car. The light was bright and it felt like the sun would never set on him. He wanted to drive and soak it up. 

 

His Dad said yes, take the car. 

 

Noctis took the car and drove and did not need any directions to find where he was going. He was going to see Prompto. Duh. 

 

His hands looked more callused that usual. It was weird. And the shadows on his face were hard to make out in the rearview mirror. Did he start shaving? When was the last time he did that?

 

Did his Dad even give him the keys, or did he have them all along?

 

It wasn’t clear once Noctis had left the Citadel. The City looked deserted, and Noctis couldn’t help but wonder why. The familiar shops weren’t open. The Sushi place that he worked at after he got all that therapy was closed. There was even rubble in front of the storefront. It was weird. 

 

Noctis passed by Prompto’s house. Or what was left of it? The foundation was gone. The only thing left was the stoop. The narrow street was seemingly stretched out and Noctis could not remember why. The Regalia was gone too. The car got him there so fast then it just disappeared. It didn’t matter though. Noctis knew exactly where to find Prompto. It was the only place that he could be. It was far, but Noctis could walk that way.

 

Once Noctis hit that familiar street, he saw the sign again. Apparently they were doing that contest again. Couples could sign up! A year’s supply of free games. Noctis could remember that year so well. It was better than anything he could ever want. It was the perfect year. He didn’t have to worry about losing his father, or Luna or feeling the weight of the world on him. In fact, he was able to walk to freely and without the aches in his back or legs. The sign was frayed at the edges but the arcade was open. 

 

The rest of the streets were empty and bare. 

 

But Noctis walked in either way. 

 

And there he was. He was perfect and Prompto just smiled at him. His eyes looked tired but bright. It looked like he had been waiting for a long time. Noctis wanted to ask why but Prompto didn’t even bring it up. He just patted the seat of a two seater game. They had to shoot water and see who’s boat would reach the finish line the fastest. It was only them and for some reason, they said nothing to each other. 

 

Noctis could feel the tears falling from his face freely. 

 

He  _knew_  why. 

 

This was everything he ever wanted. He made him wait for ten years. And after those ten years, who knew how much longer Prompto waited. Noctis didn’t want to ask. So he just cried and Prompto waited for him to stop. Maybe he never stopped. Maybe Prompto waited a year for Noctis to stop. It felt like eternity but Prompto just smiled at him. 

 

“Thank you for waiting,” Noctis said finally. 

 

Prompto swiped their unlimited cards, and shrugged his shoulders. “No problem. Hey Noct…”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Let’s get something to eat after this.”

 

Noctis nodded. “Absolutely.”

 

“And maybe some ice cream,” Prompto smiled. “Okay?”

 

“Yes,” Noctis replied. “Of course.”

 

“You need to shave,” Prompto giggled. “But so do I…”

 

Noctis just laughed. He grabbed the water gun and pushed the flashing red button. Prompto cheated and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. But Noctis forgot about the game and the shooting. He just kissed Prompto and Prompto kissed him back. 

 

This was perfect. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that left comments for me to keep going. It was very sad, my original idea but I decided to pull back a tad because this fandom has suffered enough and so have I lmfao. I had a draft of this and I wanted to re-work a few things so it can just be done. Also I recommend listening to [this](https://www.facebook.com/thebeyonceworldcom/videos/1899464990323935/) just to punctuate how much these idiots love each other. They worked it out and it is all good. Except it is not because I am ignoring Ep. Ignis for this. But I guess this is the first/OG timeline right? Oh well. But here y'all go and I am glad it is over. Honestly, the comments kept me going to finish this, but since this is sad, I didn't want to finish it. But I thought ending this hopefully was better than just angst forever. 
> 
> Anyways, thank you! I am on twitter @noctisserie and less so on tumblr @malinche. Thank you!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments & Kudos are my life blood so feel free to leave some! Catch me on tumblr @malinche and on twitter @noctisserie. Expect weekly updates, thank you!


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